That Flaw You Don’t Want Anymore
You know it. I’m sure you do. You are just about to introduce yourself to someone and you think, I’m not good enough. You become aware of something in your past that was hurtful and embarrassing and somehow that makes you less valuable. At the current time you are unable to start a friendship with this new interesting person that could bring much happiness into your life. You remembered a flaw in the midst of your perfection.
How did I feel about my flaw?
I have felt alone and ashamed. I have felt negative and grouchy. I have felt strange and even the other day like a monster. I decided that no one else must hurt as much as me, and sure there were other illnesses that were hard for people that I wouldn’t want to have, but mine is pretty bad. It is schizophrenia. Sounds pretty intimidating don’t you think. It’s hard to know how to reach out with this illness when you don’t want to involve anyone else in the plethora of sounds in your head. Sometimes the headaches are bad and it’s hard to relate to the real world. The imaginary world becomes demanding and the real world is full of stigma that is embarrassing.
Realization that I wasn’t alone
It occured to me that others also feel they are flawed. I started reading Dr. Bernie Siegel’s books and they gave me much relief for a while. It was when I was reading that I was realizing how common my struggle was. Other people also have a hard time with doctor’s visits or are frustrated with getting tired easily or have something as simple as horrible headaches as well.
My struggles are other people’s too. Wow. Then I started feeling sorry for other people. More than that, I could identify myself as part of things again because others were feeling some of the same shame that I have felt.
Strengthening your spirit
Bernie Siegel writes about getting better from cancer. He tells a lot of stories of people who use that extra spark to do things as they interact with their doctors. They do things like, joke with their doctor, bring their doctor a present or give their doctor a letter. He talks about this extra action giving their own spirit a lift and helping them get stronger. I can relate this to schizophrenia as well. It is powerful to be able to do little things here and there that help your true voice to be heard in artistic ways. I’d love to read a book that would empower those coping with schizophrenia. Bernie Siegel’s book gave me lots of ideas and restored some of my hope.
A Butterfly Metaphor
This flaw of mine. It’s rather a large flaw at times. Could I see it like a butterfly that flies away at times and at other times sort of gets in the way of my sight and shows me all these interesting and exciting things. But sometimes it shows me awful things too. The butterfly would like an audience at times but at times she would like to curl up and hide away. This flaw of mine is one I’m going to have to work around because, like I said in a recent performance that some of you may have seen called Her Stories, I am here to stay.
Encouragement for all with flaws
What important knowledge to have. Yes, others think they are flawed and it holds them back. Maybe we can all decide to give ourselves a break and to live life in wonderful ways. Maybe we can try to move forward with the skills we do have to offer. Maybe we have suffered enough! It’s time stop feeling sorry for ourselves and to celebrate the talents we have. Maybe also it’s time to love ourselves just as we are. With both our imperfections and our perfections, we can encourage ourselves, to make the most out of the way things are. I know I’m going to try, how about you?
Posted on June 10, 2013, in Balance, Depression, anger and negativity, Emotions, mental health, mental illness, New Age Psychology, schizophrenia, young people and tagged acceptance, anger management, Benevolence, crisis management, depression, empowerment, forgiveness, healing, mental health, mental illness, self help, self-knowledge, stigma. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.